He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
