Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
