I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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