Soap is not a condiment
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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