Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
