Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
