I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
