Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
