..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
