this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
