About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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