I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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