Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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