I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
how drunk are you?
Several
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
