I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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