It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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