it hurts more in the daytime
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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