he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
