i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
