Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
