Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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