Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i came on her dog
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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