I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
