I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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