I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk is a universal language darling
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
