im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
