dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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