I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
