I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
