i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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