I'm going to jail i love you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
