Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
