If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
