I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
