I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
