his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
