Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
