If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
