what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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