Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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