Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
