I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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