Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
