I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
