i jhust puked up my retainher.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
