my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
