I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
