I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
