Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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