She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
